[Hosea Stout Diary] Monday July the 6th 1846. To day I went to the river to see Rockwood and others and try to find out what I had best do and moreover to learn what the President intended for me to do next as I had executed his last order to me. On my way thither I fell in company with Col. Scott.He was very friendly but did not seem to take any interest in my wellfare any way.I learned from him that he and Rockwood was still engaged in a "Punic War" with each other about their right and rank over one another and he came very near giving Rockwood a "brushing" as he said not long ago.I passed through the Indian village which consisted of some scattering houses and was mixed up with French & half breeds[.] All not amounting to many.This was where they kept their trading houses & a large business no dout is carried on
I found Rockwood at the Ferry. Br Lee had just started to Missouri to trade & I did not see him.Rockwood said he would help me and told me where to go and get meal without an order which would amount to begging on my part so I did not do it.I concluded that I would rather starve than live thus ignominously in the midst of the Saints[.] He knew that the president intended to have me provided for but could not tell what to do for the present.
I crossed the river. The hill is uncommonly steep on the other side[.] The landing was at the mouth of a deep ravine up which it was now contemplated to make a road as it would not then be a very steep hill to assend.I went with Rockwood O. Pratt. G. A. Smith and some others up this ravine to explore it in view of making this road[.] It was heavy timbered and the wildness of its appearance was yet undisturbed.The hill very high on either side[.] We were sometimes near being led off by ravines coming into the one contemplated for the road and it was truly a "wildering maze" more than a public road.
We traced it to its head and found it a good and practable rout for a road. It intersected the road I should think one mile from the river by way of the road but not more than half a mile up the ravine
On my way home I fell in company with Father Harris & had a long talk with him, he advised me to enlist & go with the soldiers to Santa Fe as he said taking all the circumstances together. I then returned home again as I went not yet knowing what to do.
In the evening I saw & related the same to Br Hyde whereupon he advised me to go to Br Luther Bunnell and see if he would let me have something to subsist upon but it was like Rockwoods help for me to beg it so I did not go.
I was now left without recource to look to or hope for[.] I had to make my own arraingements to live or starve before the President returned
[Diaries of Hosea Stout]